I got a little secret
I bet you can't guess
If you promise not to tell a soul
I'll tell you what it is
I hate (He hates)
We hate living with girls.
I'll tell you why
(Because they're rude and uncouth)
And they tell lies
(Which means they never tell the truth)
You get girl's germs
(When they pash you on the mouth)
Those bad, bad women will wipe us good men out, oh yeah.
The walk around naked
(Or wearing skimpy towels)
If you try to be polite
(Their tempers get foul)
They can't play football or gridiron
(Or even grow a beard)
I'll tell you something brothers
Girls are wierd, Oh yeah.
I've got to find a way to cope
But there is no hope yet
Give me scotch whisky
Give me cigarettes,
'Cos I hate,
(He hates)
We hate living with girls!
They act real smart
(They read Flaubert and Proust)
They talk on art
(But they never clean the house)
They can't cook
(They can't darn or sew or iron)
Or vacuum clean or hang clothes upon the line, Oh Yeah.
I'll have to live by myself
There's no one I've met
Who'll give me me Scotch whisky
Give me cigarettes
'Cos I hate, (he hates), We hate
I hate, (he hates), We hate
I hate, (he hates), We hate
(Living with what?)
GIRLS!
Tommy and Laura were lovers
(grunting, Hi there lumberjack)
He wanted to give her everything
(da ping, is it a strange piece of tropical fruit?)
Flowers
(wow, they're made of rubber)
Presents
(wow, a rubber dinghy in the shape of a woman, hmmm)
But most of all, a wedding ring
He saw a sign for a stock car race
(a stock car race)
Thousand dollars prize it read
(that's a lot of money Tommy. Certainly is)
So he gets Laura on the phone
(hey Laura, get her on the phone for me,
get on the phone, go on get on the phone)
So to her Mother Tommy said
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
There's something I must do that cannot wait
(bbrrruuummm)
He drove his car to the racing ground
(beep, beep, beep, beep)
He was the youngest driver there
(wow, you're a young 'un)
The crowd roared as they started to race
Round the track they went, at a deadly pace
No-one knows what happened that day
(hey buddy, what happened? I don't know)
How his car overturned in flames
But as they pulled his body from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath they heard him say
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
There's something I must do and that is die
Now in the chapel where Laura prayed
(God, give me a Mars Bar)
For her Tommy who passes away
It was for her he lived and died
Alone in the chapel, she hears him cry
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Ah, ah, ah
[Chorus]
Please get out of the toilet my man
Hell no, I'm doing drugs
Please get out of the toilet my man
Oh no, let me do my drugs
Came to the disco with half a gram of go go
Cut with baking soda
Saw my girl with the one kiss curl
She's a pusher, I think you know her
Got my straw, found my score
Now just give me a few minutes more
[Chorus]
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
There's a mushroom growin' inside of me
A pill makes you big, a pill makes you small
You're so tiny, I'm so tall
Who are you, don't you ask
You're just a pain in the looking glass
[Chorus]
You can find romance or piss in your pants
(Tweedledum and Tweedledee)
Let's leave it up to fate, mate
(There's a mushroom growin' inside of me)
You're a drunken bore
(A pill makes you big, a pill makes you small)
So let's lock the door
(You're so tiny, I'm so tall)
Let me get this line straight
(Who are you, don't you ask)
I've been waiting all night
(You're just a pain in the looking glass)
To powder my nose
Lord don't stop me, Thar she blows
[Chorus]
Ah, ah, ah
D d d d d d d d d d d
Drugs
When I get famous
There'll be so many people want to know me
So if you want to know me right now
You'd better make some kind of an effort
When I get famous there'll be so many people
Clambering to touch my hands
I don't care if the love ain't real
I just want to know that feel
I want someone to love me
I want someone to love me
Because you rejected me
You rejected me
But when I get famous there'll be
So many people want to know me
I'll be able to pick and choose
You'll just be one in a line
When I get famous there'll be so many people
Clambering to touch my finger tips
I don't care if the love ain't real
I just want to know that feel
I want someone to love me
I want someone to love me (slag mole bitch)
Because you rejected me
You rejected me
But when I get famous there'll be
So many people want to know me
Mel-a-noma come on over
Come and cover me in scabs
Put freckles all across my face
But moles across my back
Melanomas are just tumours
Tiny kisses from the sun
We're here to say to everyone that
Cancer can be fun
Well
(Oh shit)
Cancer took her left arm
(Left are you fucking idiot. It's spreading!)
Her right lung and her leg
She'd love a cigarette, now
(I'd love a cigarette now, please)
But she's got no mouth to beg
( Oh, um: I'd love a cigarette now, please)
She's had a uterine prolapse
( A what? Uterine, oh a couple of nurses there, that's good to
see. Well darling how can I explain, Mummy's grown a tail)
She's covered in bed sores
But I've heard that girls like yourself
Are popular in bars
Wellllll
Cancer is the answer
It'll get you in the end
It'll rot your bowel and bile duct
And then kill all your friends
The body is a transport
It's temporal and corrupt
And AIDS is just another way
Of telling you you're fuuuuuuuucked
Hey!
Ein volk, ein Reich, ein Cha Cha Cha!
Ein volk, ein Reich, ein Cha Cha Cha!
Ein volk, ein Reich, ein Cha Cha Cha!
Here comes the German Re-unification
Catch the plane to Buenos Aires
And find the new generation
On the autobahn with Speedy Gonzales
Hey - eating nachos in the sun
South America here I come
I want to be a Mexian Hitler
With Mussolini in a white sombrero
Here comes the new law and the new order
The Reichstags burning south of the border
When you're low, where can you go? Where else? ...Mexico!
We'll find a small Peruvian Village
Just like Poland we'll burn, rape, pillage, drink Tequila,
Then siesta with Goering, Goebbels, Himmler and Kessler
Hey - then I'll quench my evil desire
By setting Eva Braun and Blondie on fire
I want to be a Mexian Hitler
While Franco dances a fascist rhumba
Who's that driving the Volkswagon car?
It's the little old nazi from Pasadena
Eh Pancho - eh Cisco
Where are they dude? ...Mexico!
I met a knee slapping senorita who worked for a peso on Salon Kitty
She said, big girls love dick-tators
But the ones that do aren't pretty
I said, here comes the fourth reich baby
And if the propaganda works one day
They'll be goose-stepping in Cal-if-orn-ia
I want to be a Mexian Hitler
While Saddam Lambadas
It's a triumph of the will
Here come, here come, here come
The three boys from Brazil
Hey-ho off we go
Where to? ...Mexico Mexico Mexico
It's written in blood.
In the Book of Revelations.
A passage that predicts
The fate of all nations,
Chapter 12, verse 5
Speaks of the comet
That sets the world on fire
She goes up like a junk-heap
There's flames across the sky
Eight miles high
If you listen to the wind
You can hear the angels cry
CHORUS
Yippee-I-aye-Basra, Mecca (Makar)
Yippee-I-oh-Basra, Mecca
We are the (hey-ar) cosmic
Cowboys of doom,
(HEY-AR, HEY-AR)
Riding high in the saddle of a B-52
We've got the wind out our tail
We can't lose
Don't stop us
Or we're bound to drop the bomb (bomb bomb)
Don't stop us
Or we're bound to drop the bomb (bomb bomb)
CHORUS
Yippee-I-aye-Basra, Mecca (Makar)
Yippee-I-oh-Basra, Mecca
The triple breasted whore
The mother of abomination
Gives suck to the Antichrist
To destroy the 12 foundations
The bride wears a gas mask
The groom is De Golem
While the seventh seal is broken
Jerusalem has fallen
We're wretched and miserable
Poor, blind and naked,
If the Lord God had patience
Perhaps he could have waited
CHORUS
Yippee-I-aye-Basra, Makar
Yippee-I-ooh-Basra, Makar
We are the (hey-ar) three horsemen of the Apocalypse
I'm Famine, I'm Death, and I'm Pestilence.
With the wind at our tails we can't lose
Don't stop us
Or we're gonna drop the bomb (bomb bomb)
Yippee-I-aye-Basra-Makar
Yippee-I-ooh-Basra-Makar
Yippee-I-aye-Basra-Makar
Yippee-I-aye-Basra-Makar
Yippee-I-aye-Basra-Makar
Yippee-I-ooh-Basra-Makar
My baby's gone to jail
She won't be out for quite a while
My baby's gone to jail
Cause she set fire to my child
You know what she did
She charcoal grilled the kid
Then got a butane lighter
To ignite the little shit
All I'm saying is
I think she's a psychopath
She threw a radiator
Into my sister's bath and
I'm just praying
Must I paint a picture
All I'm hoping is
That they don't convict her
My baby's gone to jail
She reads books to me
By the Marquis De Sade
I'd like to repremand her
But it's always hard and
She's a sado-masochist
An anochistic arsonist
Manic Depressive Dalinist
And she gets worse when she gets premenstrual
All I'm saying is
She needs psychiatric care
She swallowed razor blades
In truth or dare and
All I'm saying is hey
Give her a break
You all know that
We've all made mistakes
So What
So What
So What
So What
If they use the noose
They'll crack her pretty neck
They'll singe her hair
If she goes to the chair
And although she cut
My Ovaltine with crack
I want her back
My baby's gone to jail
She may be doing life
She took a twelve inch shotgun
And blew away my wife
I'll beg the judge to join her
In a six foot cell
Cause cruising singles bars
Is worse than hell
All I'm saying is
She's got this jealous streak
Saw my woman and
Man she really freaked
Took that chainsaw of love
To say we're through
Cut off my wedding ring
And took my finger too
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
So what!
I Hate Living With Girls.